Before I even got pregnant, your daddy and I agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone we were expecting (once that BFP came along) until we were three months along because of my "advanced maternal age" and just in case.
However, once I finally did get that BFP, it was super hard not to tell anyone because I was alone at the time (your daddy was on his way home from work) and because I simply wasn't believing my eyes... so I called my bff (best friend forever)/cousin Katrina. We're exactly 6 months and 3 days apart in age (she's older) and we grew up to be closer than cousins and more like sisters. She was my maid of honor, she's been there forever for me, the one true cheerleader I've had since I could walk and talk. Needless to say, Katrina was beyond elated when I shared the news.
You should know, little one, that Katrina will be more than just your second cousin; I think it's safe to bet her role would be more of an Auntie. A wonderful, caring, nurturing aunt. And if we were very religious and were to get you baptized, she would - without any hesitation - be your Godmother.
Anyway, earlier this week I got a copy of Belly Laughs in the mail from one of my 'internet friends' (the only other person who knows of the pregnancy besides daddy and Katrina). It was our first gift! And it was a great gift. Then later in the week, I received another package; this one was a FedEx box and it was from Katrina in New York City:
A whole bunch of pregnancy and parenting magazines! Also included was another copy of Belly Laughs (Jenny, you sure did find a gold mind writing that book!) and a beautiful card:
(outside of card)
(inside of card with personal message blurred out)
I can't wait, my little one... I cannot wait for you to join us.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Before I even got pregnant, your daddy and I agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone we were expecting (once that BFP came along) until we were three months along because of my "advanced maternal age" and just in case.
July 18, 2008 I have no clue why (hormones? craziness?) but this 'forward' brought a tear to my eye by the end - it's SOOO cute:
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There've been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:
'Mommy, are you gonna go potty?
Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy?
Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now?
Mommy, what are you doing?
Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?'
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued:
'Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you?
Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy!
Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty?
Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy!
Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere.
Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!'
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, 'Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!'
'No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies.
He started to gag at this point.
'Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up.
Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!!
Dat is so gross!!'
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
'Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!'
He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown
laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door.
'Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy?
You wooking under da door?
What were you wooking at?
Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?'
More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.
'Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'
He started pounding on the door. 'Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!'
I saw that my 'wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, 'Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?' But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.Read more!
July 15, 2008 I believe I'm officially in week six of this glorious adventure to becoming your Mommy. :)
One website I checked compares your size to that of a lentil bean, another to the size of a sweet pea... my lil sweet pea! :)
They all agree that you're growing at a fast rate this week: "Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate. " (taken from thenest.com)
I wonder if this is why I've been so unbelievably hungry lately. :) Hehe. I was just saying last week how wonderfully healthy I've been eating and that I didn't have any problems keeping good food down... not this week! Every day I seem to get more and more hungry! And this morning, I even vomited. :(
But, not to worry; it's all parr for the course and I'm so happy to have to endure any and all of this for you... my little sweet pea.Read more!
July 13, 2008 One of my biggest concerns before getting pregnant with you was my weight and how that would affect my pregnancy. At 35, I don't have a lot of time to screw things up because of something I should've had control over years ago; unfortunately, I wasn't able to lose any weight before conceiving you.
I haven't confirmed anything with my OBGYN but when I went to him back in January and told him that I was going off the pill and ready to conceive, he told me about OPK's and wished me luck. I asked him over and over again if my weight would be an issue and he assured me that while added weight can put me (and you) at a higher risk for something going wrong, as long as I was healthy in every other way and as long as he monitored me throughout the pregnancy, it shouldn't be a problem.
If I wasn't at an "advanced maternal age", I probably would've tried waiting a little longer to lose some weight but as it is, we went ahead and tried to conceive you...
During that journey, I had good days and I had bad days with food. I tried so hard to eat the foods I should eat and stay away from the bad foods but more times than I care to admit, the bad food won. Especially after several months of TTC and no positive pregnancy test.
Then about a month before you were conceived, I made up my mind that I have to eat better, period. Not for you, not for your dad, but for me. I just feel better when I eat better. And, ever since finding out I was pregnant with you, I haven't looked back.
My eating has been spot on. I don't even want the crap food anymore. I have no desire for it! I'm sure I will get cravings, but I have no doubt that I will be able to stay on top of what I put in my mouth... because it's not just about me anymore. I want YOU to get the good nutrients you need to grow, grow, grow.
Anyway, I've been checking in with a great website since finding out I was pregnant and came across a great section on plus-sized pregnancies: http://www.babycenter.com/0_having-a-positive-plus-size-pregnancy_1504849.bc
It's really helped me believe that I can do this, that everything will be OK as long as I take care of both of us in a good way. And I will be more than happy to do that.Read more!
July 12, 2008: Everywhere I look, I see that I'm X weeks along rather than Y weeks along. It's a bit confusing.
One website says I'm six weeks, most say I'm in my 5th week... but here's the date we conceived you (without a doubt): June 17.
Time will certainly tell - both how far along I am and what sex you'll be.Read more!
July 11, 2008 Today I am hungry.
I woke at 6AM as normal and did my normal pee, shower, get dressed routine. I made my lunch like normal and grabbed a 90 calorie Special K bar and a coffee cup full of V8 Fusion (1 serving of veg and fruit!) and headed out the door like normal.
I got to work and about an hour later (about 9AM) was feeling hungry so made some oatmeal, but ended up throwing most of it away.
Then at 10AM, I had to go to the doctor (regular) because your daddy is hounding me about getting this bad cough I've had for almost two weeks checked out... but on the way to the doctor, I was incredibly hungry. I mean INCREDIBLY hungry. I almost couldn't concentrate on driving because the hunger was the only thing I could think about. Fortunately, I've been carrying around saltines in my bag - just in case - so I found those and inhaled about 10 of them before the hunger finally subsided, thankfully.
Anyway, because I'm pregnant (with you, my little one), the doctor didn't prescribe anything and told me to flush it out with water and hot tea and said it was just something viral that would come out in time - probably another 2 or 3 weeks. Better to be safe than sorry is my motto lately!
When I got back to work, it was about 11:30AM and I was hungry again. I drank some water, called your daddy to tell him what the doctor said, and started noshing on my lunch: ham and cheese on wheat, pretzels. I inhaled it. I was satisfied.
By 2PM, I was feeling hungry again. But I focused on work, drank some more water, and tried to push away the hunger. By 2:30PM, I gave in and bought a can of Orange Juice from the vending machine. By god, it was the best, most tasty, most satisfying OJ I think I've ever had.
And now it's 4PM and I'm STARVING.
Today, my sweet little one... today is about being hungry.Read more!
July 9, 2008 So I have to tell you: while I'm super excited still, some of the ... thrill??... has worn off and changed into paranoia. I want you so bad. I want to be a Mom more than anything in this world. But a part of me is TERRIFIED.
I'm not afraid of being a bad mom or anything; I'm not afraid of what you'll be like when you're a teenager; I'm afraid of something going wrong between now and March. I'm terrified at times but I'm doing my best to push that anxiety out.
I *believe* this is it, little one. I *believe* you're my gift, my blessing. And those feelings are the ones I try to focus on. But sometimes the ugly stuff - the fear - comes up, too.
I can't bear the thought of "what might happen" other than you being born in 9 months.
That being said, today has been another really good day. I slept like a rock - despite having to get up to pee a couple times. Food is going down just fine ... oh and that's GOOD food, I might add (it's really amazing how *easy* it's been for me to eat good, healthy food since confirming you're in there for me to take care of). Energy is up again - compared to last week.
I was feeling a little off around lunch so I went to lay down and wouldn't you know it? I fell right to sleep and the next thing I knew the alarm on my cell phone (gee, I wonder if cell phones will still exist when you can read this) was going off. I guess I was more tired than I thought.
I still have a cough - dry and hacking - of which your daddy really wants me to get checked out. It's been over a week. I told him it wasn't so bad today, and it's not, but if it's still here tomorrow, I'm off to see the doctor about it. I promise to do whatever I can to make your time inside me most enjoyable. :)
My boobs are more tender today...it's funny because yesterday I *thought* they weren't sore until I took my bra off and then BAM! did they hurt. Hehe. It's OK, little one. Because I know they'll feed you when you're born and I will relish in the pain until then.
We're at 5 weeks now. I can't wait for our appointment in two weeks from yesterday... we should hear the heartbeat and I think I will become calmer after that.
Wow, is this a trip. A great, fantastic trip.Read more!
July 8, 2008: I made two online purchases today - books for your daddy and me from Amazon and a Bella Band from eBay. I didn't go overboard as I purchased both with free shipping and kept it under a total of $100. I guess this is just the start, huh my little sesame seed? This is the start of no more money for me and all for baby. That's cool with me. You're worth it. Read more!
July 8, 2008
July 7, 2008: So today is day four since getting that BFP (big fat positive) and can I say that I'm loving it? I'm dead tired most of the day, but it's so worth it to me. Bring on the exhaustion, the sore boobs, the morning sickness!! If it means a healthy 9 months, I'm all for it!
Work was a little busy today so I didn't have much time to post anything. I felt fine all day, except for being exhausted. I had to take a nap during lunch as a result. It's all good though.
My boobs have been OK and there hasn't been any cramping except for now... but I'm just taking it as a sign that things are happening in there. After all, I'm not in excruciating pain or bleeding or anything. Speaking of bleeding, I really need to stay away from the miscarriage posts on the internet... sometimes, the internet can have too much information.
So I need to talk about your daddy for a second because he's been so awesome. He keeps talking to you like he's yelling, but he's not really yelling in a mad way - just in a way that maybe you can hear him. It's quite endearing and I hope he talks to you as time progresses. :)
Well, according to all that I've read, tomorrow marks the start of week 5! My lil poppy seed will turn into the size of a sesame seed!
It's all so wonderfully amazing.
(Picture copied from a wonderful website - www.babycenter.com)Read more!
July 6, 2008: I'm calling you Poppy right now because I've read that you're currently the size of a poppyseed.
I slept pretty darn good last night. My boobs didn't hurt nearly as much as they did the past couple days/nights so I'm guessing that's why I was able to sleep better. This morning, before I got out of bed, I stuck the basal thermometer in my mouth - just to make sure my temp was still high. It was and that made me SO happy. :)
I've been up and awake now for several hours and this is the best I've felt in a couple weeks - not as lethargic as I have been and, like I mentioned earlier, the boobage is easing up on me today. In a way, it makes me a little nervous, but I know you're in there and I know you're going to grow more and more every day and that makes me so incredibly happy.
I feel so blessed that I can't even put it into words right now... just know that I plan on doing whatever I can to ensure that you get everything you need whilst you're inside (and of course, when you're born). I've been taking a great PNV now for about 9 months and I'm doing my best to eat more veggies and fruit.
I'm calling the doc tomorrow to tell him the great news and to see when he wants to see me... I think it'll be a couple weeks because I'm already taking PNV's that he prescribed, but because of my age (yes you're going to have an 'older' mommy and I hope that's ok - I may be 'older' at almost 36, but I'm still a kid at heart; I promise!) and weight (sadly, I'm considered obese), he may want to see me sooner.
Wow. I still can't believe this is all happening.Read more!
July 5, 2008: I've never been so happy to have sore boobs in my life! Normally I hate the time just before my period comes because my boobs become so sore and sensitive... not the nipple so much as the whole blob of meat that my boobs are (I'm rather well-endowed).
But the past couple of days, I've been loving the aches and pains. I mean, yeah they hurt, yeah I feel like I can't move too fast or anything in fear of the girls moving too much, but it's sooo worth it. And I'm loving it. I'm really and truly loving being pregnant.
Granted it's only like day two or something! ;) :DRead more!
July 5, 2008: I can't even say how long I've been waiting for this day to come...
Thursday night I got home and decided to take a HPT (home pregnancy test) / POAS (pee on a stick) because I've been feeling it; I've been feeling pregnant and I've been believing it. After a minute or two I looked at the test and saw one fat line... and... then... wait... is that ...another line??
Because the second line was so faint, I decided to test again the following day - yesterday, July 4. I took three tests and all three tests came back with only one line - no matter how hard I squinted to see a second. But I still *felt* pregnant; my boobs (especially) hurt too much at odd times and felt like they were actually growing (which scares the crap out of me because they're rather large to begin with).
I showed DH (darling husband) the new pee sticks and asked if he could see a line. Nope. "I even peed on one too and there's only one line."
Yes, that's what my dear husband said! And I laughed for about a minute straight. I had tears in my eyes the thought of him peeing on a HPT made me laugh so much.
"What cup did you pee in?" I asked, as the Dollar Tree tests I stocked up on require one to PIAC (pee in a cup) and then drop the pee onto the stick.
"I'm a man," he replied. "I don't need a cup."
He dug the test out from the garbage and, of course, one solid line.
"But now you can see that the one from yesterday *did* have a line!"
We both agreed it did and I still *felt* pregnant... so out we went for the day. Because there was no food in the house, we made a list of groceries to get, headed out for a quick meal at the nearby diner and then picked up some groceries. On the way home, I needed to pick up my prescriptions along with a box of digital HPTs.
No guesswork on the digital - it's either Pregnant or Not Pregnant.
I didn't want to test again yesterday and planned to used the digital in the morning... this morning, July 5. Before going to bed last night, I started getting really crampy and was afraid that maybe it all was just in my head and maybe my period would be coming after all... but my boobs were telling me something else.
I went to sleep around 11PM and at 4AM I awoke having to pee. The first thing I did was touch my boobs - they still hurt!! Yes!! Then I grabbed the basal thermometer and shoved it into my mouth. 98.something! Still high!! I knew I was pregnant. I knew it!
I lumbered off to the bathroom, grabbed the pee cup and peed into it and placed the cup in the sink and covered it with the box of Clearblue Digital tests I bought. I decided to hold off on testing till the next time I awoke.
I went back to bed and tossed and turned quite a bit but eventually fell off to sleep... I ended up dreaming that when I woke up to test, I found that DH had dumped out all the pee from the cup and I was freaking out that I wouldn't get the first morning's pee to test to see if I was pregnant. Alas, it was just a dream.
At 6:30AM, I couldn't take it anymore and went into the bathroom, opened the HPT package, took off the blue cap from the dipping end, dipped the test into the pee, counted to 20, recapped the test, placed it on the edge of the garbage can, tossed the remaining pee, rinsed out the cup, washed my hands, sat on the toilet, looked at the clock and saw that 2 minutes had passed, and looked for the results even though 3 minutes hadn't elapsed.
Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?
I was in disbelief. I looked at myself in the mirror and grinned and then cried. I'm pregnant! I'm going to be a mom! :)
I took the test with me into the bedroom where DH still snored. I so badly wanted to wake him up, but I didn't. Instead I laid down next to him, looking at the HPT on the nightstand and smiled, dreaming of our future with a little mini-us to occupy our every waking and sleeping hour.
At about 7:30AM, he farted and looked at me. "I heard that," I said. He grumbled something so I knew he was awake and I said, "I have something to show you." I gave him the test and he had his back turned to me and said, "I can't see it." But then he saw it and said, turning to face me, "Give me a smooch."
We're going to be parents... We're going to have a baby!
Since I got this out of me, now maybe I can get some more sleep since I haven't been sleeping well the past couple days... and lord knows I'll need all the sleep I can get now! :)Read more!